Freestyle

Am I invisble?
Do I not exist?
Am I not human?
what is this maybe I'm just a nobody!!!!

Throughout my life, I have learned to view the people that come into my life
as guest. because they never stay. they come and go. I call them my audience ~Reality

Goodbye Mama!!!

It's hard to believe, that I will never be love the way I want to guess i have to accept the fact, that this is my life. This is the way God wanted to to be. maybe this is what he planned for me. It hurts to think about my future, since I know you're not in it. I hate that I spend my nights crying trying to figure out why you gave up.

It's hard to reminisce, especially since I never got a kiss, and I'm pissed because not once did I get a hug. Where in hell was the Love?

It's hard to remember you being there for me, when I needed you the most. To me you were just a ghost.

It hurts to think about you, when all I can remember is you trying to fight a terrible drug addiction, not once did you think about the affliction that you caused me.

I hurt because I don't have love and affection. It's like a fatal attraction except you're fatal Oh I forgot there was never an attraction. You never tried to make me happy. I hurt because I lack a mother and that is why my life is whack! I hurt because you never tried to get back on the right track. You left and fell in love with crack.

It breaks my heart to know that i don't have a mother, and so I suffer.

It hurts when I'm reminded of you coming in late at night, because you were busy getting your high but what about you telling me Goodnight? instead I was forced to say....

Goodbye Mama!!

This and That!!!

Titled as a foster child,
A child of the state.
A child with too many problems
Titled as a child with depression, Borderline personality, Biopolar and ADHD
Titled as a wad of the court
because my mother fell short
and could not keep up.
Now where is my support?
Titled as a child that nobody wants
because I have a history. A history of wanting to be showered with
UNCONDITIONAL love
Now all I can do is look to the sky and try not to ask WHY?
why my life?
But this part of my testimony
this I do know.
My pain will soon turn into joy. Joy that comes from the Lord!!

FreeStyle

I have fallen too many times
and too many times I have gotten up,
I'm tired of falling.
Next time I fall I don't think
I'll have the strength to get up..
So will anybody be there to pick me up..
Have you ever fallen short??
and did not know what to do.
well guess what I have.
Too many times I get caught up
and I don't know which way to go.
And I get lost trying to find my way..

Just writing

FreeStyle

You get your hopes up
only to be let down again..
You depend on her
only to find out,
it was just another lie..
now you just sit there and cry..
and basically say FUCK life..
It's not over
give it another try...
this time why not try God..
you can depend on him to
get you through a tuff time
It's not over sister
Please don't cry..
I been there before and I have cried
night after night..
Until I realized it was not my fight
I gave it to the Lord and you should too..


This is a freestyle

To my sis

A Depressed Mess!!!!

I need someone to rid my mind of
these negative thoughts. I keep getting caught.
Thoughts of suicide surround my head.
like a dead creature, covered with flies.
These thoughts are eating me alive,
feel like I'm gonna have a meltdown.
Lord I desperately need a sign.
I wanna run and cry, because my mind
is going a mile a minute.
I can't think and I can't blink.
My thoughts are weak and my tears leak.
like a never ending creek.
I'm drowning in negativity, I can't reach my happy place
It has gone to outer space, and I become a disgrace
to my own face. I can't keep up with the pace, because
my thoughts have been laced with suicide and
I don't even like that side,
now I lack pride and I struggle to survive
Lord this is my cry
as you can see I tried..

Untitled

I made it another year,
I have shed so many tears,
and gotten over a lot of fears
and by the grace of God, I am still here
(In my Monica Voice)
I'm still standing
I've gone through a lot in my life.
Pain and Strife.
But I put up a good fight
I stood on solid ground
and held my own.
Even though I almost gave up.
God was there to pick me up
and that is why
I walk with my head up!

This is Unfinished.

UnFinished

I spent 8yrs in the Foster Care System,
8yrs belonging to the state of michigan
In the care of 7 different strangers,
5 different social workers, 4 different
therapist, to many diagnois to count. A lot of medications
I wonder if they thought I was crazy?
It was hard, felt like I barely got an education.
My life I hated-- I just couldn't take it.
I got tired of faking it.
8yrs of people walking in and out of my life.
I didn't think I would make it.
Holding my tears back, just so I could stay strong
Everything in my life felt wrong.
I had forgotten the words to my favorite song.
All because my pain had lasted to long.
I just didn't want to belong
But I was young and didn't understand what was going on.

This poem is Unfinished
I aged out of Foster Care
March,24th 2011

Random Thoughts

I made it another year,
I shed more tears, and gotten over more fears
I have gone through so many things
in my life and Im still standing.
I'm still here and I'm thankful


This is random